So Many Sucks – So Little Time

Posted on February 8, 2012 by Lenora

I have a tendency to be compulsive, and even paranoid. I set goals for this challenge, and I’m already almost halfway into it, and what do I have to show for it? Shoulder and leg soreness? Where are all the pullups and ring dips I’m supposed to have? Where’s the MU? Why does it seem like a bad “Cha-Cha-Slide”, and I’m nowhere but sore. I’m literally relearning the deadlift, which doesn’t make the 225 in close range in any time soon. I’ve just gotten to barely tolerate back squats, and didn’t use a working weight, and I’ve not been doing front squats because I’m doing fancy stuff at Cutting Edge. Was I supposed to get 135 in the front squat? How am I supposed to get back that 90 lb strict press, when I’m on 80, and I’m working through soreness? Is Strongman an intentional distraction, so I can give myself permission to be a beginner? Maybe Strongman’s a workaround to give me strength and confidence so I can continue working on my goals.

The paranoid part of me wonders if Jay and Dean are disappointed in me. I know Jay’s busy with the Tri-State Throwdown, so I may be off his radar screen, but, I wonder if somehow he’s disappointed  I didn’t sign up for it. Dean responded positively to my status email, and said I was doing well, all things considered. I let Dean and Jay know what I’m up to at Cutting Edge as well as ACF.

I can tell I’m being a mental case, but, it’s a wild ride knowing how strong I was, in upper body, and how good my deadlifts used to be. Truthfully, I never had a good squat, and that is being resolved at Cutting Edge, and with things I’ve learned from Kevin. Dean probably saved my back with his help on deadlifts. I need to save myself from my own ego’s nagging. I’ve never been the first one in class to finish a WOD; I’ve more like the last. I need to give myself some room, and save the wod clock for wods.