I have a tendency to be very negative about myself. I am a perfectionist and because of that, I sometimes don’t even try. I assume that I will fail. When I started reviewing 2013 I thought it was a failure. I had put back on some of the weight that I had lost and I was upset with myself. I thought I was not going to be able to ever accomplish my CrossFit goals and felt like not trying.
When I was over four hundred pounds I had a list of things that I would never do. Nobody ever told me I would not be able to do these things, but in my head I knew they were impossible. Camping, air travel, amusement parks, girlfriends, small cars, swimming, or shopping for clothes in any store. I always tell people that when you are over four hundred pounds your issue is bigger then an eating problem.
For me, it came down to being afraid. The fear of failure, of rejection, of pain, of success, the fear of living that crippled me. CrossFit has given me the ability to overcome them and gain control of myself, and my life. CrossFit gave me the ability to choose to live.
As a coach it is my job to help praise athletes success and review their progress. Recently I was chatting with an athlete about their performance and something clicked. I was telling them how far their squat had come in the past few months. I realized that I needed to look at my past year in the same view. I might have had some set backs but I have had my share of success as well. I had expected to be in top shape but the only thing I was doing to get there was hoping for it to happen.
If I am not willing to do the work, then no one can do it for me.
I have a lot to be proud of for 2013, but two of the most special are that I went camping with my girlfriend and I went swimming for the first time.